Yes, I've heard of "level 10 back shit" the phenomenon that most mothers and fathers experience at one point or another but no one ever told me that one day I would be sticking my child in a plastic grocery bag because his legs were completely covered in what I now call...Spinach Rejection.
Jack won't be getting spinach within 24 hours of my being alone. My parent's kitchen sink will no longer be the same. He LOVED the sprayer on his undercarriage...I am not surprised since he is a man in training and apparently already a pervert at the ripe age of 5.5 months old. Why now? Why haven't I experienced this before? Is this a rite of passage?
Let's just go with it.
There is a lot of stuff that surprised me about motherhood...not all sewage smelling, some surprises were really good. For example, no one told me about the love you have for your child even though they're a little wrinkly Sumo man the first time you see them. He's MY wrinkly Sumo man. I've got a lot to learn about him though...like, why OH WHY does he not sleep when he's tired? He's not missing anything. When he wakes up the house STILL will be messy and mommy will STILL be in her pajamas, get over it and close your eyes you little punk.
Our babies are tough...they're solid and they're perfect and can never do any wrong (okay, we'll get over that one day MAYBE). There is nothing more beautiful and peaceful than your sleeping baby. Their innocence is almost painful because you know that one day they'll grow up to be the cynical, people hating son of a bitch that you are. You could TELL them not to trust anyone but that makes you an asshole and you don't want them going around telling their friends that you're an asshole because then who the hell are you going to practice all those pinterest cookie and cupcake recipes you're pinning right now (when they are babies) for that specific reason?
When my son brings friends home from school you aren't going to see me microwaving a box of tostinos pizza rolls...those things taste like chemicals and eggs that were left out in the texan sun. Those kids are going to walk in, mama is going to have a plate filled with cupcakes that look like boobies and some non alcoholic martinis...just kidding. I'd have no problem dealing with the consequences of being the towns coolest mom, they're just jealous anyway.
But in all seriousness...people try to mentally prepare you for sleepless nights, smelly diapers and the expensive 18 years you just signed your sucker-ass up for but NO ONE and I mean NO ONE can prepare you for how your heart sinks when you see your baby sick. No one can tell you how amazing it is to see your husband/boyfriend/fiance/partner hold your child for the first time (and every other time after that) No one tells you that teething is most likely going to be more painful for you than childbirth.
I've come to terms with the fact that for a long long time i'll have to have a child with me in the bathroom or make it a prison length shower. I've come to terms with the fact that i won't be able to poop alone for a while and I'll most likely be singing to my son to keep him occupied. Motherhood is messy, smelly, tiring and intense but the happiness, pride and smiles from our boy trump that EVERY SINGLE DAY. I wouldn't trade it for the world...but I wouldn't go all 19 kids and counting or anything. ;)
What do YOU love most about being a mommy or daddy?
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